Often in our day to day lives we use thought patterns that don’t serve us. Instead of empowering, they undermine.
Historically psychology dealt with fixing mental health problems like depression, anxiety or OCD.
If you think of the stereotypical glass half full, the goal was just to get your glass to the half mark, not to see the potential to fill the cup even more.
Positive psychology is exploring the previously uncharted territory of building emotional health. This means that after there is a stable mental health foundation, we can go beyond surviving to thriving with a few tweaks to the process of thinking. You can begin filling your own cup.
If you are like me, you probably do a pretty good job of this when things are going well, when you are energized, and when you feel in control. Here are three tips on how to keep resilient when you are feeling busy, out-of-control, or overwhelmed.
Know the Negative Thinking Traps
There are 5 negative thinking traps that you can easily fall into. Most of us have a predominant trap that resonates more with our own thought process.
1 .Mind Reading
This is the belief that everyone thinks alike. You know how you think and therefor you think you know what people around you are thinking. The converse is also implied as true-others know your wants and needs without you having to tell them.
2. Me Thinking
A me thinker believes that when things o wrong it is their fault. The believe they are the root of the problem.
3. You Thinking
The you thinker believes that other people or circumstances are always at fault (these people have a large circle of others.
4. Catastrophic Thinkers
Catastrophic thinkers are always stuck in their heads. They have a tendency to anticipate the worst case scenario and they get stuck in anxiety as though their prophecies were reality.
Helpless thinking would have you believe that there is nothing you can do to change a situation or to create a better outcome.
Use These 3 Techniques to Outwit Your PatternsWhen our patterns become problematic it is indicative that our thinking has become rigid. We see problems as insurmountable due to the lack of flexibility or resilience in our thinking.
The good news is that The mind can be stretched in the same ways as our bodies- with repeated action moving towards the desired outcome.
These real-time hacks from UPenn Resiliency Training will immediately increase your optimism leading to greater reliance as they become new thoughts patterns.
1. Use Evidence
Disprove your negative thoughts by finishing this sentence:
“That’s not true because________________________.”
Look from another angle using the sentence:
“A more helpful way to see this would be_____________________________.”
This one is especially useful for catastrophic thinkers:
“If _________________happens, I will ____________________.”
I’d love to hear from you- which type of thinking trap do you fall into most (for me it can be the MIND READING) and which techniques you think will help you. (I’m a fan of the reframe).
Thanks for reading and keep taking daily steps to keep yourself on the happiness trajectory!
Parenting is Tough! Kids don't come with a manual and the demands of raising a child who is kind and generous and successful and bilingual with the correct number of vaccinations and the optimal balance of tech savvy and screen-free, WHo balances arts with sports and MAINTAINS college-track grades is completely overwhelming at the best of times.
I'm pretty sure my parents had the goal of keeping me alive. Period. in one generation we have gone from free-range parenting to HELICOPTERING these bubble wrapped genius children who are ready to burn out before middle school.
Child anxiety levels are off the charts.
in 2017 Resilience and grit are the buzzwords of the parenting gurus. but I think it's fair to say that the parent needs to be resilient in order to raise resilient children.
It's funny because so many parents will prioritize teaching skills to their children that they don't yet have themselves.
I have been asked , by an extremely anxious parent, to teach their child meditation to help with anxiety. When i offered to teach the parent, they didn't want to learn!
I can talk about this from first-hand knowledge. When I left my practice marriage, one of the core value differences between me and my ex was that he always put his needs first and I always put my needs last. I was a total martyr who thought that giving up my needs for my children's needs was the best way to show selflessness- wrong! What I have learned was that i was teaching my kids that my needs didn't matter.;That what I wanted wasn't important. That I didn't value myself.
so back to resilience. of course there are cases of INCREDIBLY resilient kids with parents who are fragile. it is possible for a rigid parent to raise a resilient child. I guess the real question is "Why not model resilience for your children?"
What Does it Take to Become More Resilient?
UPenn's positive psychology experts have been teaching resilience to soldiers, to students and to people like you. Learning resilience comes with the added bonuses of
Here are the skills needed to become resilient:
we aren't born resilient, we become resilient. If you want to know more about increasing your resilience, please email me- tamara @ahamoments4u.com.